When Someone You Know Is Dealing With Grief

grief & loss

Coping with Grief and Loss

Whatever type of loss y'all've suffered, there's no right or incorrect way to grieve. But by understanding the stages and types of grief, you can detect healthier ways to cope.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It's the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone yous love is taken abroad. Often, the pain of loss can experience overwhelming. You may feel all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or acrimony to atheism, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making information technology difficult to sleep, eat, or even call back straight. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more than pregnant the loss, the more intense your grief will exist.

Coping with the loss of someone or something yous love is one of life's biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a loved one—which is oft the crusade of the nearly intense type of grief—merely whatever loss can cause grief, including:

1. Divorce or relationship breakdown
2. Loss of health
3. Losing a job
4. Loss of financial stability
5. A miscarriage
6. Retirement

7. Expiry of a pet
8. Loss of a cherished dream
9. A loved one's serious affliction
10. Loss of a friendship
11. Loss of safety subsequently a trauma
12. Selling the family dwelling

Even subtle losses in life can trigger a sense of grief. For example, you might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from college, or changing jobs.

Whatsoever your loss, it's personal to you, so don't feel aback about how you feel, or believe that it's somehow only advisable to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship, or situation was significant to you, it's normal to grieve the loss you're experiencing. Whatever the cause of your grief, though, there are good for you ways to cope with the hurting that, in fourth dimension, can ease your sadness and assistance you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and somewhen move on with your life.

The grief of losing a loved one

Whether it's a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, few things are as painful as losing someone y'all beloved. After such a meaning loss, life may never seem quite the aforementioned again. Just in time, you can ease your sorrow, start to look to the hereafter, and eventually come to terms with your loss.

Read: Bereavement: Grieving the Loss of a Loved One.

The grieving procedure

Grieving is a highly individual experience; there's no right or wrong way to grieve. How y'all grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping mode, your life feel, your faith, and how meaning the loss was to you lot.

Inevitably, the grieving process takes fourth dimension. Healing happens gradually; it can't be forced or hurried—andthere is no "normal" timetable for grieving. Some people beginning to experience ameliorate in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief feel, information technology's of import to be patient with yourself and allow the procedure to naturally unfold.

Myths and facts virtually grief and grieving
Myth: The hurting will get away faster if you ignore information technology Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or go along it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to confront your grief and actively deal with information technology.
Myth: It'due south important to "be stiff" in the face up of loss. Fact: Feeling sorry, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn't mean you are weak. You lot don't demand to "protect" your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your truthful feelings tin can assist them and you.
Myth: If you lot don't cry, it ways you aren't sorry near the loss. Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it's not the only one. Those who don't cry may experience the pain just as deeply every bit others. They may just accept other ways of showing information technology.
Myth: Grieving should last about a year. Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.
Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting near your loss. Fact: Moving on means you've accepted your loss—only that's not the same as forgetting. You can movement on with your life and continue the retentivity of someone or something you lost as an of import part of yous. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more than and more integral to defining the people we are.

How to deal with the grieving process

While grieving a loss is an inevitable role of life, in that location are ways to assist cope with the hurting, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, discover a mode to pick upward the pieces and move on with your life.

1. Acknowledge your pain.
2. Accept that grief tin trigger many unlike and unexpected emotions.
3. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
4. Seek out face up-to-face back up from people who care nearly you.
5. Back up yourself emotionally past taking intendance of yourself physically.
6. Recognize the departure between grief and low.

The stages of grief

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the "five stages of grief." These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal affliction, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such every bit the death of a loved i or a break-upwardly.

The five stages of grief

Deprival: "This can't exist happening to me."

Anger: "Why is this happening? Who is to arraign?"

Bargaining: "Make this not happen, and in return I will ____."

Depression: "I'k also sad to do annihilation."

Credence: "I'thou at peace with what happened."

If y'all are experiencing any of these emotions post-obit a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you'll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that's okay. Contrary to pop belief,you lot do not have to go through each stage in club to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going throughany of these stages. And if you practice go through these stages of grief, you probably won't feel them in a neat, sequential order, so don't worry about what you "should" be feeling or which stage you're supposed to be in.

Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: "They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into bang-up packages. They are responses to loss that many people take, butthere is non a typical response to loss, equally in that location is no typical loss.Our grieving is as individual as our lives."

Grief can be a roller coaster

Instead of a serial of stages, we might also think of the grieving procedure as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer.

The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes past, but it takes time to work through a loss. Fifty-fifty years later on a loss, especially at special events such equally a family unit wedding ceremony or the birth of a child, we may even so feel a strong sense of grief.

Source: Hospice Foundation of America

Symptoms of grief

While loss affects people in different ways, many of united states of america feel the following symptoms when we're grieving. Only recall that nigh anything that yous experience in the early on stages of grief is normal—including feeling like you're going crazy, feeling like you're in a bad dream, or questioning your religious or spiritual beliefs.

Emotional symptoms of grief

Daze and disbelief. Correct later a loss, information technology can be hard to take what happened. You may feel numb, take problem believing that the loss actually happened, or even deny the truth. If a pet or someone you beloved has died, for example, you may keep expecting them to show upward, even though you know they're gone.

Sadness. Profound sadness is probably the almost universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.

Guilt. You may regret or feel guilty nigh things you did or didn't say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (feeling relieved when a person died after a long, hard affliction, for example). Yous may even experience guilty for not doing more than to prevent your loss, even if it was completely out of your hands.

Fear. A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. If you've lost your partner, your job, or your home, for example, you may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure nigh the time to come. You may even accept panic attacks. The death of a loved one tin can trigger fears most your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you at present confront lone.

[Read: Dealing with Dubiousness]

Acrimony. Fifty-fifty if the loss was nobody's fault, yous may feel angry and resentful. If y'all lost a loved 1, you may exist angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you lot. You lot may feel the demand to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.

Physical symptoms of grief

We oftentimes think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief oftentimes involves concrete problems, including:

• Fatigue
• Nausea
• Lowered immunity
• Weight loss or weight proceeds
• Aches and pains
• Insomnia

Types of grief

Since the experience of grieving post-obit the loss of someone or something of import to y'all tends to be unique to you, it's difficult to label any type of grief as either "normal" or "abnormal". However, there are types of grief that fall outside the expected symptoms and reactions described to a higher place. These include:

Anticipatory grief

As the proper noun suggests, anticipatory grief develops before a significant loss occurs rather than subsequently. If a loved one is terminally ill, for example, yous have an aging pet, or you know that your retirement or job loss is imminent you may commencement grieving your loss before it has fully unfolded.

[Read: When a Loved One is Terminally Ill]

Like conventional grief, anticipatory grief can involve a mix of confusing emotions, particularly anger. Some people even equate it to giving upwardly hope and refuse to allow themselves to grieve before their loss has occurred. However, anticipatory grief tin can also give yous chance to prepare for your loss, resolve whatsoever unfinished business, or say your goodbyes, for example.

Disenfranchised grief

Disenfranchised grief can occur when your loss is devalued, stigmatized, or cannot be openly mourned. Some people may minimize the loss of a task, a pet, or a friendship, for example, every bit something that'south not worth grieving over. You may feel stigmatized if you suffered a miscarriage or lost a loved one to suicide.

Disenfranchised grief can also occur when your relationship to a deceased is not recognized. Some people may consider it inappropriate to grieve for a piece of work colleague, classmate, or neighbour, for instance. As a close friend or same-sexual practice partner you may be denied the same sympathy and understanding as a blood relative. This can make it even more difficult to come to terms with your loss and navigate the grieving process.

Complicated grief

The hurting at a significant loss may never completely disappear, but it should ease upward over time. When information technology doesn't—and information technology keeps y'all from resuming your daily life and relationships—it may be a sign of complicated grief.

Complicated grief usually arises from the death of a loved one, where the loss has left yous stuck in a state of bereavement. Yous may exist unable to accept your loved one has gone, search for them in familiar places, experience intense longing, or even feel that life isn't worth living.

If you lot're experiencing complicated grief and the pain from your loss remains unresolved, it's important to achieve out for back up and take the steps that volition enable you lot to heal.

Seeking back up for grief and loss

The pain of grief can often cause yous to desire to withdraw from others and retreat into your crush. Only having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Even if you're not comfortable talking nearly your feelings under normal circumstances, it's important to limited them when you lot're grieving.

While sharing your loss can brand the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn't mean that every time you collaborate with friends and family, you need to talk near your loss. Comfort tin also come from just being around others who intendance virtually you lot. The key is not to isolate yourself.

Turn to friends and family unit members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you have pride in being stiff and self-sufficient. Rather than avoiding them, draw friends and loved ones close, spend fourth dimension together face to confront, and accept the aid that's offered. Frequently, people desire to help but don't know how, so tell them what yous need—whether information technology'south a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just someone to hang out with. If yous don't experience you have anyone yous can regularly connect with in person, it'due south never too tardily to build new friendships.

Accept that many people feel awkward when trying to condolement someone who'southward grieving. Grief tin be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, specially if they haven't experienced a like loss themselves. They may feel unsure about how to comfort yous and end up maxim or doing the wrong things. Merely don't employ that as an excuse to retreat into your shell and avoid social contact. If a friend or loved 1 reaches out to you, information technology's considering they care.

Draw comfort from your faith. If y'all follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you—such as praying, meditating, or going to church—can offer solace. If yous're questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.

Join a support grouping. Grief can feel very lonely, fifty-fifty when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To notice a bereavement support group in your surface area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers, or see the links below.

[Read: Back up Groups: Types, Benefits, and What to Look]

Talk to a therapist or grief advisor. If your grief feels similar also much to behave, find a mental wellness professional with feel in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can aid you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.

Beware how you use social media

Social media can exist useful in letting others know virtually your loss and reaching out for back up. Nevertheless, it tin can also attract Internet trolls who post inappropriate, insensitive, or even abusive letters. To spare yourself boosted pain and heartache at this fourth dimension, you may want to limit your social media employ to closed groups rather than public postings that can be commented on by anyone.

Taking care of yourself as you grieve

When you lot're grieving, it'south more important than e'er to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can speedily deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you lot get through this difficult time.

Face your feelings. You tin effort to suppress your grief, but you tin't avert it forever. In order to heal, you accept to admit the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also pb to complications such as low, feet, substance corruption, and health problems.

Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Even if you're not able to talk about your loss with others, it can help to write down your thoughts and feelings in a periodical, for example. Or y'all could release your emotions past making a scrapbook or volunteering for a cause related to your loss.

Effort to maintain your hobbies and interests. There'southward comfort in routine and getting dorsum to the activities that bring you joy and connect you closer to others can help you come to terms with your loss and aid the grieving process.

Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, and don't tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it's time to "move on" or "become over it." Allow yourself experience whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. Information technology'due south okay to exist angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or non to cry. It'south also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you're ready.

Look after your concrete health. The mind and trunk are connected. When you experience healthy physically, you'll be improve able to cope emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue past getting enough sleep, eating correct, and exercising. Don't utilize alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.

[Read: Self-Medicating Depression, Anxiety, and Stress]

Plan alee for grief "triggers." Anniversaries, holidays, and important milestones can reawaken painful memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it's completely normal. You can plan ahead past making sure that you're not alone, for example, or by marking your loss in a artistic manner.

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Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

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